Hey y’all! So I wrote this post on threads, but thought it may need a little more airing out, so I decided to make it a blog post.

I shared on Threads how I know that God has called my husband and I to marriage ministry. Not only because we’ve been married for 22 years because we’ve been doing marriage ministry since year 10 I believe. We have experience and it’s healthy. Our marriage isn’t perfect and sometimes I’m like “GOD I like to keep to MYSELF, WHY do you have us out here like that”! However, I share what He gives me to say to wives and wives in training.

With that said, I’m just diving all in with the wife and wife in training content. We’ll be discussing it all. Also praying and asking God how best I can show up in these spaces.

I wanted to speak to wives today concerning having low libido or a low sex drive. We don’t talk about it enough and honestly, it’s a big deal. You are not alone in this and we need to discuss it more and we will here!

Wives that may struggle with low libido especially if you’re over 40 and in perimenopause. I completely understand. Listen, you do NOT have to suffer in silence or otherwise. In addition to “praying about it” Here’s a few things that I would recommend that I did. These are in no particular order.

Be honest with your husband about what’s happening.
Our bodies change as we age and so do men’s. Don’t leave him out in the dark and chalk it up to “I don’t feel like it”. Tell that man precisely what’s going on and make it plain. An understanding man will want to help you find solutions in any way and you BOTH benefit greatly from a healthy and thriving sex life. It’s good for you both!

Talk with your doctor.
Have some honest conversations with your doctor as well. A good doctor will probably refer you to someone who specializes in hormone therapy or that’s better suited to help you in regards to testing and getting to the root cause of the issue (that’s what my gynecologist did). Also, some medications such as blood pressure, anti depressants and others can cause sexual dysfunction. Check with your doctor to see if there’s something that has less or no sexual side effects.

TEST DON’T GUESS!
Lisssen! Go get EVERYTHING checked. From the rooter to the tooter! Free testosterone, thyroid, estrogen, progesterone, cholesterol, alllll of it!! One level could be considered “normal”, but not optimal for YOUR body! A little tweak or correction of these things, could help tremendously.

Check your mental

Sometimes we have things going on mentally that may block our desire for sex. Sometimes we’re not managing stress well or we deal with an anxiety or depression disorder and sometimes we just have a lot on our minds. Talking with someone who is trained and can help you diagnose and address what you’re dealing with mentally could help significantly. Not just forsex, but for everyday living.

Don’t rule out natural options

Things such as your diet, body fat and weight, exercise, stress management and SLEEP can all play a role in how you function (or don’t) sexually.

Tap into your femininity

If you’re not having any of the issues listed above, you may need to lean more completely into your femininity. It will look different for every woman, but I would definitely suggest taking some time to study yourself and see what makes you feel your most feminine from the inside! Do you need rest? Do you need to put the hustle down? Do you need to pamper yourself etc? Figure out as a woman what YOU need. Not the wife  or the mom, but the WOMAN!

Don’t rule out foreplay

I know you think you have to be in the mood to get to that point, but if you honestly don’t have it, tell him and then LET him lead. I was about to get more detailed, but you get the point! You’ll feel better! I promise!

Lastly, please do not beat yourself up. Women’s bodies deal with SO much and we’re just trying to navigate it all. Show yourself much grace and don’t give up. As a woman first and wife, you deserve to thrive in alllll ways and that includes sexually as well! Wives, feel free to chime in and help the girls!